Am I ever really comfortable with the moment I am in? This has been an ongoing challenge for me. I was trained to be hyper-critical, first by my parents because they wanted to put their kids on a path to success, and then by the church, which wanted to make me a saint, and then by my educators in science and math, where the word “wiggle-room” was unknown.
Even now I am aware as I type this post both of my improved eyesight due to cataract surgery and the new, big floater in my left eye, interfering with my new sight. I am also aware that I cooked great lunch today (rigatoni and meat sauce with the addition of braised pork, finished with home-made ice cream) and now have to take antacids as I listen to my stomach growling. For me every silver lining has a cloud and both manifest themselves at the same time.
I’ve discovered that the more I indulge this habit of being ambivalent about the moment I’m in, the more spiritual energy I squander. I miss the opportunity simply to be happy. And analyzing why I may be uncomfortable in this moment is really irrelevant. It doesn’t change my reality and the choice I face either to let hold on and ruminate, or to let go and be free. I’ve been blessed by marrying a man who doesn’t dwell on the details of the moment, but just enjoys each moment for what it is. He doesn’t beat issues into the ground as I do. He just says, “Alright! Moving on!”, and he does, taking me with him. The Universe certainly knew what he/she was doing when I met Jay!
And so my new perspective: Whatever it is, it is right in this moment. Accept what is, as it is. I don’t need to know the history of how it got there. Amazing. I can choose to free myself to enjoy my life without stress, and simply…be.
“All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
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Artwork copyrighted by the artist, Michael Parise