Rarely do I repost someone else’s postings, but Lynne Forrest is a fantastic woman of great wisdom. She has a great deal of material on victimhood and how to be healed of it. Her information is at the end of this article. I recommend you sign up for her regular newsletter. Michael Parise, “Be A Success” Coach
One of the many consequences of interacting from a victim
perspective is that our relationships with others suffer. Fear of
intimacy is an understandable and predictable outcome when we
believe that we are at the mercy of a cruel world.
If we separate the syllables in the word, “Intimacy” as we say
them, it sounds like “in-to-me-see.” That phrase well describes a
simple definition of intimacy.
Intimacy is when we share our essential selves with another.
There’s only one hitch and that is that intimacy requires we be in
touch with our essential self. How can we share something we,
ourselves, do not know?
However, when we live our lives on the victim triangle, acting out
of our starting-gate victim roles, and believing painful, unhappy
ideas about ourselves, we cannot experience our essential self at
all.
Our true essence is covered over and what we experience instead is
the limited self we’ve decided we are. This limited definition of
who we think we are is often based purely on our own unhappy
interpretation of the way those around us interact with us. We base
our definition of who we are on others. Who are themselves,
struggling with their own unhappy story about themselves. Pretty
wonky when we really think about it, huh?
So here’s the thing: when someone decides as a child that they are
defective and unlovable and their whole definition of who they are
is based on that unhappy conclusion, (or core-belief), how willing
do you think they are going to share that self with another?
Chances are, not very willing at all! That would feel totally
unsafe, right? Thoughts like, “If they see who I really am they
will reject me,” are likely responses. Another likely response is,
“They will take advantage of me or hurt me, if I let them in.” A
person would have to be crazy to get “intimate” with another under
those circumstances!
To me, this explains why intimacy is so rarely truly experienced.
For as much as we claim we want it, long for it, pursue it, try to
make it happen, the truth is that most of us are scared to death of
it!
To truly experience intimacy, we must first become intimate with
ourselves. This means we practice the “in-to-me-see” formula with
ourselves. We spend time getting to know who we are separate from
the unhappy stories we’ve blindly believe about ourselves and come
to know the Reality of who we are instead. Only then will we feel
safe enough to share ourselves with another. Only then will we be
able to conceive that there is a Self worth sharing.
Next time, I will talk more about this essential self capable of
intimacy.
Blessings,
Lynne
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Blessings,
Lynne
As always we love your feedback, and we may choose to share it with other subscribers. For the purpose of discretion, we will only use your name or other identifiers, with your permission. Send your questions and comments to info@lynneforrest.com.
If you’re ready to take the next step, be sure to check out Reality Formula Live: https://realityformula.vhx.tv
For more about Lynne, her work, and her offerings, visit www.LynneForrest.com