The other day at a cookout I asked the mother of a 5-year-old girl and a 3-year-old boy if she found the two of them very different to raise. She emphatically nodded, telling me that she has to keep her eye constantly on the boy, since in a split second she can find him outdoors, wandering about near danger. She said that no matter where she places him to play, he looks somewhere else for adventure.
Both genders enjoy adventure and risk taking, but it appears while women are generally more risky in internal affairs, such as personal and relational development, most men are hard-wired for external risk. This adventurous spirit enables men to find fulfillment in daily routine: solving concrete problems, their approach to careers, and even cleaning the house and caring for the kids.
Men find excitement in conquering of their fear, in pushing their limits. They seem to thrive on the rush of adrenaline in fight/flight situations. This romance with risk actually has been indispensable to civilization. Hunting for the village, fighting to defend their land, protecting the family, and even pursuing a mate require varying degrees of risk-taking. With much of the need for risk-taking eliminated from modern western society, men are left looking for adventure in start-up companies, inventions, geographic and space exploration, sports, and politics.
One area where a lot of men have much more trouble taking risk than women is in personal development, in process, and in creating cooperative networks. Examining perspectives, feelings, and reactions to events and persons seem like a waste of time to many men. Ever practical, men seek advice that will have direct bearing on a desired outcome. Women are not as concerned about the outcome as much as the process getting there. Men need to balance their external riskiness with more internal adventure.
Co-active coaching is about the internal life and how it makes an impact on external outcomes. It weaves together the fragmented aspects of lives that were split apart by upbringing and personal traumas along the way. An effective coach can help men to enter the sometimes scary realm of the internal life and walk with him through this unknown landscape to harvest a wealth of knowledge he otherwise would have overlooked.
Contact the Man’s Coach at michaelparise@gmail.com . The Man’s Coach offers a free coaching session to whoever contacts him.