No one likes to fail. Worse still, no one likes to feel like a failure. Why does failure feel so lousy? It’s because our dualistic culture defines it as a huge negative in contrast to success. Families, businesses, banks, law enforcement, and governments don’t help much. Many of them magnify what they consider failure with heightened emotions, retribution, fines, and even imprisonment.

So instead we work hard for success. And we pay a price for it, sometime by having to go along unjust laws and regulations, complicated bureaucracies, and difficult colleagues. After all we see how our culture exalts and rewards the successful…and we want some of that for ourselves!

It’s time we reframed failure and success for what they are.  They are not two sides of the same coin. They are just empty words, distinct and unrelated intellectual concepts, moments in time and experience, to which we attach negative or positive feelings.

We get into trouble when we absolutize failure or success. We see this in our language:  Failure of courage. Failure of a rocket launch. Failure of a marriage. Success of an operation. Success of a business. Success of a harvest.

What if you started using “in” rather than “of”?  This puts failure and success in their proper context as small parts of the whole: Failure in courage. Failure in a rocket launch. Failure in a marriage. Success in an operation. Success in a business. Success in a harvest.  See how that changes the meaning of these words?

Actually failure and success are messengers, not feelings. They tell you what needs to be done differently or what ought to remain, what choices did or didn’t work, and what perspectives you need to keep or to alter. This applies to all of your work, spirituality, recreation, and relationships.

These messages have nothing to do with your being at fault, blamed, or having a quirky personality. They simply highlight the consequences of some of your thoughts, words, and actions in a particular context. For these we must take responsibility and do better or to celebrate.

Listening to and acting on the messages that failure or success bring to you will lead to personal triumph! They point to the way to achieving your goals. They also keep you from dwelling on the emotional baggage you’ve attached to failure or success.

Personal triumph is best when you:

  • overcome challenges,
  • accept reality,
  • discover truth,
  • refocus goals,
  • clear away subjectivity,
  • seek new insights,
  • shift away from pride,
  • rid ourselves of resentments,
  • renew our core values, and
  • immerse ourselves in profound gratitude.  

Failure and success are good friends. Both usher in triumph over defeat if you listen to their messages and discover your true worth. 

How Do You View Failure and Success?

  • Discover the messages they bring.
  • Clear a new path of self-understanding that will impact your career and relationships.
  • Join Michael Parise in a mentoring/coaching session that will move you forward. It’s all done over the phone in privacy and confidentiality.

Cost: $100.00 for one 45-minute session
Schedule a 45-minute Discovery Session

Text: 813-449-3904 or through

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