People have a variety of reactions toward the subject of sexuality. Some leave their sexuality on a shelf and take down every once and while to use it. Others maintain a duality regarding sexuality so that it is enjoyable only when accompanied by a dose of guilt. Still others have split up their sexuality into little pieces: one piece defining gender, another piece for procreation, another for enjoyment with self, another for enjoyment with others.
Men are particularly capable of compartmentalizing their lives. This trait may go back eons to when our ancient ancestors on the hunt had to keep their emotional reactions to a minimum as they trekked, sometimes half-starved, across the plains looking for game to kill and bring back to the tribe. Grief over fatal attacks by beasts or distraction from fear or hunger could seriously compromise their concentration and therefore a successful hunt.
This facility for compartmentalizing extends to the ways in which many men view sexuality. Sexuality and spirituality are actually two sides of the same coin. Both are rooted in erotic energy, that core spirit within every human that is the source of creativity, personal power, and reaching out for relationship and community. For this reason all people, wherever they fall within the spectrum from homosexuality to heterosexuality, must integrate this vital core into their identity and existence. Seen in this light sexuality is not just an “add-on” to our human nature. Nor is it reduced to a means for making children, expressing affection, or deriving personal pleasure. It is at the essence of being spiritual, and therefore, human beings.
When presented with a great work of art, such as Michelangelo’s David or Mozart’s Requiem or Picasso’s Guernica, I can only marvel at these artists’ integration of their spirituality and sexuality, of the transcendent and the erotic in their lives. Their work, and that of other great artists, does not hint of dualism. And what greater work of art is there than the human being?
The more a man integrates his sexuality and eroticism with his spirituality, the closer to wholeness, and therefore to holiness, he will come. If we believe we are made in the image and likeness of an intelligent and supreme Higher Power, then our sexuality is part of the package. Though taboos, ritual purifications, and outright guilt-trips have been attached to our sexual/spiritual core, we might ask ourselves if the guilt and recriminations around erotic energy are a means to slavery or to freedom. If the latter, then far from suppressing our sexual energy, we ought to make it the foundation for our personal growth. Coaching ought to help the client to celebrate it with joy, love, and a generous spirit, rather than shame, guilt, fear, and recrimination.
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