My life should not be as difficult as it is; it’s just too much at times! When I feel this way I default into an anxious bundle of nerves. Maybe I’m making my life more difficult than necessary. And maybe I can’t get away from the perception of the glass half empty. And yes, I wish I could report on social media that my life is always thrilling and upbeat. I struggle with the feeling that I’m just not enough. And I dread the thought that it’s only going to get worse.
I know where all of this comes from. A combination of internal emotional wiring, strict upbringing, bullying and emotional abuse, and just feeling out of place most of the time, have contributed to my perception. I vacillate between optimism and pessimism throughout the day. I overanalyze every encounter, event, and experience, turning them over in my mind, looking for a bright side, lemons to lemonade! No wonder I’m tired.
If I could just get off this linear track and accept that life is more of a series of intersecting spirals than a straight line of stairs to nirvana. Shifting this perspective is a constant effort. So is moving from my brain into my heart in order to listen more closely to what my instincts are telling me.
I had shut down my heart years ago because it kept getting broken. But that only resulted in my going through life as a victim and looking out for the next opportunity to be hurt. That’s no way to exist; it just generates anger and pushes me further into an idealized false realm.
Cognitive therapy has helped but it tends to keep me in my brain too much, analyzing situations and reframing them. Life coach training has enabled me to identify the many stories I’ve constructed and maintained for over five decades. These stories are traps that, while containing some truth, are now used to limit my potential for happiness.
Is life too much for you? Do you slog through your day wishing it were easier? Do you idealize those extrovert types around you, as if they have not problems? Does your life feel like a virtual page from the internet, filled with sidebars, buttons, redundant highlights, competing graphics, and mixed up fonts? Don’t you just yearn for a simple newspaper in black and white Times New Roman print?