I think I’ve finally solved a mystery about friendship that I’ve wondered about most of my life: Why I have had so few real, lasting friendships. Since I was four years old, I struggled to identify and foster friendships. I usually ended up feeling left out, intimidated, isolated, and lonely.

Recently I came to understand the idea of personal energy frequency. We all operate at different frequencies, some higher, some lower. It’s what and who we bring to the table when we show up in the world.

Such energy frequencies flow from our natural electromagnetic field. Each of us has one, generated by our heart, gut, and mind. We also project a unique energy through our skills, talents, vocabulary, actions, and passions.

Energy frequencies help me understand why:

  • I have very few people who are intimate friends.
  • I am not satisfied with ‘casual’ friendship for very long.
  • I thought everyone ‘worked’ at keeping friends.
  • I need to let go of ‘absent friends.’
  • I need high frequency friendships.

Energy frequencies are not qualitative. Higher is not better than lower, just different. Mine seems to be super-high and therefore rarer. My effort is to be receptive to a variety of energy frequencies that may complement my own.

My very personal frequency is rooted in being a highly sensitive person. About 20 percent of us are naturally wired as HSP’s and often live at a very high frequency. This is due to our high degree of intuition, empathy, analysis, and intelligence. We absorb enormous amounts information from the environment and analyze it in seconds. We also learn a lot about a person through their body language and voice.  

Because of my frequency I will attract only those who are willing to meet me where I am. I know that my candor can be jarring to some, my vulnerability is out there for all to see, my creative passion drives me, my general knowledge can challenge and even intimidate. What you see is what you get so if your energy is a match for mine, we may become soul friends.

Energy frequencies and friendship have nothing to do with being likeable or not finding others congenial. When we do find someone with whom we ‘click’, we may eventually discover enough common ground to have a close friendship. Most friends will come and go, a frequent occurrence which I need to accept.

Does this help explain why you seem to struggle in the friendship department? Might your high or low energy frequency be the winnowing process of friends in your life? How do you experience personal energy frequency? Share your comments and fill in what I may have left out of this discussion.

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