Self-motivation is key to success. Yet the wrong kind and I can be very hard on myself. Maybe you too?

  • Are you in the habit of blaming yourself whenever something doesn’t work out quite right?
  • Do you fantasize about a perfect scenario where all the pieces of your life finally fall into place?
  • Do you retreat into magical thinking, wishing for the ideal, perfected, less annoying, or more fulfilling outcome?

All of this is the result of comparing ourselves to others. Comparison stresses the nervous system. It degrades the soul. It can lead to depression through its core messages: “You are less than you should be.” “You are defective.”

The “grass is always greener in the other fellow’s yard” syndrome has been around for millennia. Comparisons start conflicts and wars, divide families and drives some to depression, addiction, and even suicide. I found this, if you need 25 more ways to convince yourself that comparison kills.

When we engage in comparisons we normally get an initial emotional benefit. This benefit keeps us in a twisted comfort zone. Discovering the benefit you get from comparisons is necessary to end the madness of self-shame and put-downs. So is identifying the source of your comparisons.

  • What emotions do you have when you compare yourself to others: fear, anger, envy, grief, resentment, self-loathing?
  • Are your comparisons similar to the voice of your parents?
  • Is there a bully lurking behind your comparisons?
  • Might your family dysfunction, trauma, or substance abuse lead to comparing yourself to some ideal?
  • Do you carry shame around your career choice, business, success, relationships?
  • Do you tend to idealize others’ experiences as ’perfect’ or ‘better’?

What’s the solution? How do you break the habit of the “great put down”, of dissatisfaction with yourself, your body, your intellect, your aging, your business, your relationships?

Seven ways to start healing:

1. Find the humor in your comparisons. It’s a human foible, not a character defect.

2. Consciously change the subject. Catch yourself before going down that rabbit hole. Notice something outside yourself on which to focus in detail.

3. Express gratitude. It’s the best medicine for self-comparisons and creates an immediate shift.

4. “Fake it till you make it.” Go positive by deliberately postponing your negativity till some other time or day (at which point you likely would have forgotten about it.)

5. Step away from women’s and men’s magazines! They can trigger deep feelings of being “less than.” Few people will ever look like those digitally altered models.

6. Focus on the present moment, the NOW. Appreciate the unconditional love from your Higher Power.

7. Stop blaming. It’s your choice to spend your time and energy focusing on the good in your life, even with all the ambiguities and warts!

Let’s Talk About Your Comparisons 

  • Discover the way out.
  • Clear a new path of self-understanding that will impact your career and relationships.
  • Join Michael Parise in a mentoring/coaching session that will move you forward.
  • It’s all done over the phone in privacy and confidentiality.

Cost: $100.00 for one 45-minute session
Schedule a 45-minute free Discovery Session

Text: 813-449-3904 or through

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